Reality. Check. Mate.

So after my post yesterday, my 3rd child got kinda jealous that I totally failed to mention him. Welp, here is your time to shine babe. My husband's name is Cody. My first and only love, literally since the 8th grade. Back then I was totally swooned. But now, although still completely in love, it's a different kind of love. It's missing each other while working different shifts. It's arguing over PB&J sandwiches. It's having our seldom morning cuddles broken up by tiny humans. It's late night screaming matches (because two people don't always see eye to eye, but both are equally as stubborn) - and knowing in the morning that you still have them forever & it's going to be okay. It's hard. And it certainly isn't the glamorous life that I was promised in all those Rom-Coms I've been doting over for the last 20 years - but really, Ryan Gossling I am ready when you are...

It's marriage. And I think we all can relate to that.

Growing up I played a lot of "house". That was the only thing I ever knew for certain I wanted to be...a mom. I spent years of my life toting around baby dolls, building a very elaborate life for myself and my imaginary husband - who oddly enough was always named Cody...or Jason, but obviously the universe didn't have one of those laying around for me in real life.

I mom'd so hard back then. I was never late to anything. My kids were always clean. I'd drop them off to the sitter and frolic away to my "job" that always required me to meet up with friends for coffee. (Let's all laugh at the irony, because literally NONE of that is my life now)

Days filled with playing "house" turned into teenage daydreams. Adulthood was just a couple years away, and obviously I had it all figured out. I'd marry this boy who had quickly became my favorite person. We'd have a big house - 4 bedrooms, 2 stories, a big ol' kitchen and living room. Plenty of room to raise lots of babies and hold all our family gatherings. Swearing we wouldn't live my parents struggles.

Adulthood came with all it's glorious vengeance, and what do you know - reality hit. Much to my surprise, none of my jobs entitled me to coffee with friends. That big 4 bedroom house is still just a dream. Although I have gotten pretty good at filling our small house with babies, they are definitely not always clean.

Nine years of struggles & setbacks - have also been the best years of my life. There is something beautiful about building it on your own. (Don't get me wrong, some of our struggles required the support of our loving family, and we are beyond thankful) But this big elaborate, fictional life I had planned with imaginary Cody pales in comparison to this stripped down version we have built with each other.

A small two-bedroom home, where you can smell each other from the other room if you try hard enough. It's loud - filled with laughter & arguments, music and the constant pitter-patter of tiny feet running wildly. It's messy - with crayon drawn murals on the walls, unknown stains in the carpet, tooth paste squeezed in places you wouldn't believe, all those super annoying beard trimmings your husband leaves for you in the sink, and there are ALWAYS dishes. Perfectly imperfect, nothing you dreamed and everything you need.

You'll still catch me day dreaming, but mostly I am content (with everything except my bathroom). This small little house holds everything we have worked for, and everything that I love. It's home to countless memories and has undeniably kept us close, mostly because there is literally no where to escape.

The madness is wild & the love is rampant.

10 year old me may be slightly disappointed in the outcome of things - certainly disappointed in my mom-ing and lack of coffee dates. (let's be honest I am wishing for all the coffee dates these days, too)

But 27 year old me knows we are into something good here & it's probably fine.

Much love,

-Maddie