New year, same beautiful mess.

It was strange...in those last few days of 2020 I felt myself wishing away the whole dang year. How terrible it had been. How sad, and frustrating, and loss-filled. I found myself day dreaming of the year to come. 2021 - so full of possibilities, and certainly filled with more light than the year past.

We celebrated the new year a little differently this year. And perspective set in.

My husband (*cough cough* 14 years ago), way back in the 8th grade asked me "out" over microphone at our NYE party - so we have been celebrating this day with eachother ever since. Sometimes alone, but mostly with friends - we have always gone out, or stayed in and brought in the new year with the people we loved most. But up until this year, we had always went somewhere without our kiddos. Welp, in true 2020 fashion, we switched up our game and spent the evening with a few close friends and all of our littles. The house was pure madness. There was loud conversations, and tiny humans running wildly. There were party hats and confetti poppers. There were those damn horns, you know the ones that blow out like a lizzard tongue - yeah....those "broke" the next day... But all those years I spent planting that first kiss of the year on my hubby, nothing truly felt as settling as planting one on him while holding onto our girls. 2020 did that for me.

The first day of the new year I found myself reflecting. 2020 was the year all plans were ALWAYS up in the air. The last months of my Granny's life, and we missed them. The year filled with frustration and pure sadness as I tackled the repercussions of COVID as a long term care nurse. The year I felt my connection to God slip a little because of our church being shut down. The loss of connection to friends and family. The fear. The uncertainty. And even outside of COVID we were tackling a whole other beast that was the Presidential Election - all of it. Piled up, into one big heaping sh*t show of a year. Need I say more? Nah...ya'll were there.

We survived. But it was a bit more than that.

I got to scrolling back on my phone, looking through all the photos from the entirity of the year. And low and behold, my heart lit up.

2020 was a sh*t show, yes, but in the mess of all that madness - there was so much growth. Those changed plans led to time spent at home with my babies. That shutdown, led to our first family vacation - and man was it a good one. That quarantine led to more nature adventuring. More baking. More kitchen dancing. More coloring and building and so many more snuggles. We found so much more than I had given credit to. We slowed down a little. We enjoyed little moments a bit more. We closed our circle and loved a little harder this year - connecting stronger with our small group of friends, growing relationships between their kiddos and our own. We settled in, and speaking for myself, I found a new peice of me.

Do I want a do-over? HELL to the NO. 2020 can pack up and leave it's trash behind. I'll gladly grab my good and march straight into 2021. Clutching the new found peace found in being a homebody & praying like hell I don't have to be a homebody for another year. One was enough.

2021 - I have big plans for you. We will have so much adventure. We will see new places. We will build and grow. We will find ourselves, even more. We will walk a little lighter. Laugh more. Be more present. Soak in those little moments - the kitchen dancing, and baking, and sweet toddler giggles - because let's be real honest with ourselves, 2021, you ain't magically going to kick COVID to the curb. But if this could just be a little less of a dumpster fire of a year, I am sure we can manage well.

To you and yours,

NEW YEAR - same beautiful mess.

-Maddie